i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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