Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We named our party play list daddy issues
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
