Who wears a wallet chain?!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just blew my weed a kiss
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
