omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
