Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
