This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
