What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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