a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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