You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
