Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
