mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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