Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
