Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
