Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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