He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
