:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
