if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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