i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
