one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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