Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
