remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Still dying that you shit outside
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
