If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
