Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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