she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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