Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
