I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
