I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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