cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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