he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
