high people should be assigned attendants
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
