He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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