Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
