is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's get the cat blown out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
