dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
