I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
