I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
