That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
