But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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