Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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