Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
