This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
