yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
