dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
