Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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