4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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