You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
jump out the window naked night went bad
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
