Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
