atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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