that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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