I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
