I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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