i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
