id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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