my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
