her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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