I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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