Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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