i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Then you guys just all showered together...?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
