a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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