I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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