Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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