I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
