As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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