My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize