Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
