There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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