I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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