chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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