im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
