Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
