sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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